PROCRASTINATING SAVED MY LIFE.

I’m going to Bob Ross all of you by painting a picture of how my morning went from 0 to 60 in 3.5 seconds.

I woke up this morning before my alarm went off, ready to lubelessy fuck this day into submission. Awaking before my alarm gave me adequate time to lay in bed, listen to Ethan’s snores vibrate the decorations off the dressers, and do some facebook stalking and instagram gazing until my alarm did go off. Just because I woke up before my alarm went off, didn’t mean I was getting out of bed. Hell no. But once that deathly sound went off, I rolled over, kissed the SnoreMaster goodbye, and began my routine downstairs.

In order to explain the significance of the story, I have to point out that I’ve been meaning to up my water intake lately, but like every other important goal in my life, I’ve been severely procrastinating. In fact, I’ve just recently learned how to poop in the big girl potty...just kidding. Probably.

On the kitchen counter, basically SCREAMING at me, was my bright pink yeti cup. And I knew that today was the day. I packed that sucker full of ice, and filled it with water.

Let's fast forward an hour: I’m sitting at my desk, nodding at myself in pride that I’m mastering this water game. I drank two cups, and was ready for a third. I crack open another bottle of water, take the yeti lid off, and watch as my ice raises to the rim as the water fills. Here’s where things go to shit and my smile instantly turns to a frown. As the water fills, a little brown thing floats to the top, surfing the rising tide using an ice cube as a surfboard. It was a bug. A LIVE BUUUUUUG. A live fucking bug. I dumped out my cup, miraculously refrained from throwing up, and have decided to give up water for life.

I was left thirsty and full of questions. How long has he been in there? How many were in there to begin with, and are now freeloading in my tumly? Was I just a prop in some kind of bug gang initiation? All I know is that if I just kept procrastinating, none of this would’ve happened.