TO THE GIRL THAT'S STUCK.

Most of my posts are comical, or at least I think they are. You may not. Which is fine. You're fucking wrong. But it's fine.

I want to dip my toe into the cold pond of something that I'm unfortunately very familiar with. And that is: bad relationships. But first, here are my two cents when it comes to relationships. Having been in a few myself, I feel just as qualified as anyone to express my thoughts about the matter. For some reason, relationships are so needed and wanted, that it's almost abnormal not to be in one. It's like there's this constant imaginary social pressure to find someone to spend the rest of your life with. It's been that way since the dawn of times, and it'll continue far beyond any of our lifetimes. Even though there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with being single or choosing to remain single, humans just feel a need to fulfill our duty of of finding a companion to spend the rest of your life with.

Which brings me to a major point I want to make very clear. Keyword from above: THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. People, life is short. God damn it, it's so much shorter than we realize. AND, that's not including instances where lives are cut shorter than expected. DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE ON SOMEONE THAT DOES'T TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED. I could've avoided this entire paragraph by adding that last sentence to the end of the paragraph above this one, but I've already typed all of this out, and I'm beyond the point of no return. So lets move forward.

I've served my fair share of time in the jail of failed relationships. Hell, I even had a punch card. 'Four failed relationships - get the fifth one free'. Bad tagline, but you catch my drift.

I want to help those girls that are stuck in relationships. Because I've been there. I've been lied to, cheated on, and deceived. I've been mentally fucked, and physically abused. I've disappointed family, missed special events, and lost friends. All because I put up with shit in relationships that I shouldn't have. I've experienced all of the same feelings you have. I'VE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES. Throwing those shoes away, and finding a pair that fit me perfectly, was the best decision I've ever made. There is such a thing as a Happy Ending. I know this, because I've found mine. And you'll find yours, but you can't if you're stuck in a relationship that isn't your perfect fit.

So, to all the sweet girls that need to hear this, here it is.

• You can't change him. You just CAN'T.

I'm not sure why we do this. Maybe it's our motherly instincts. But us girls want to change guys. Or, rather, we want our guys to change because of us. WE want to be the reason he changed for the better. I constantly felt the need to WIN. And by "win", I mean, be the girl that he changes for. But sister, if he hasn't changed yet, he ain't ever going to change. No matter what. Even if it's something they do that upsets you or hurts your feelings. Whether you approach the issue sweetly or aggressively, he isn't budging unless he wants to. You could compose a series of trial experiments. He. Ain't. Changing. Because he's too busy being a selfish dickhole. If you've expressed to him, in full, how he makes you feel, and THAT isn't enough for him to change, then your mental health means nothing to him. And who wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't give a fuck about your feelings? Your beautiful mind is important to me, so it should be important to him. Take your blinders off so you can see that he's clearly showing you that it isn't.

• "But we've been together for so long."

Nope. Doesn't matter. Count it as a loss, Cupcake, and move on. I know what you're doing, because I did the same thing. You're waiting for him to change. You've put in so much effort, it has to happen soon, right? You keep telling yourself: "Hold on for juuuuust a bit longer, because it's soon to happen, I can just feel it. I changed for him, he's bound to do it for me." No, Boo. He ain't. I've heard this so many fucking times, and told this to myself too many fucking times. Being in this position, though, I totally get it. All that time that you've invested in the relationship, and you're not getting it back. It's a sad truth. But it's in the past. Look at it this way: the length of the relationship just shows how long you've put up with his bullshit, and how long you've been mistreating yourself and your needs.

• All the memories and good times.

This was a tough one for me to get over. All the memories we shared, and all the great friends I met along the way because of him. That was hard to let go of. But it's just not worth it. Sure, you spent all that time with him, made all those memories together. Those good memories are probably the reasons you're staying there. Hell, they were what kept me in the relationship. They're what kept me in his grasp. Leaving him would erase all of that. Listen here, you gorgeous little turd: Fuck yeah it will. Leaving him would erase all those memories, so you can make room new ones. Better ones. It's okay to miss or reminisce those memories, but it's time to make ones that aren't mixed with bad ones.

•  "But I love him."

Sweetheart, of course you do. I know you do. That's one of the reasons you're still with him. You stayed with him in the beginning, so things were great at one point, right? But the sad truth is that things are different now, and as much as you want things to go back to the way they were, they're not going to. I know this, because as I've said before, I've been there. You have such a big heart. But you need to take that heart and throw it at someone that deserves it. Life is too short to give your heart to someone that makes you unhappy.

• If he hits you once, he'll do it again.

This is a hard subject for me to talk about, and normally I don't. But this is serious. This is a subject that I will never ever fucking sugar coat. If he lays a finger on you, get the fuck out of there. GET THE FUCK OUT. Seriously. A man that hurts you physically, 1.) doesn't deserve you, and 2.) isn't a man at all. If he does it once, it will happen again. Please just fucking trust me on this.

And, mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. I healed from the time he threw me into the fridge, or the time he punched my jaw, but being called a dumb bitch all the time, or him telling me that dating me was a mistake. That was even harder to heal from. I remember a time that I finally talked him into going to my parent's house for dinner. It had been so long since I had seen them because I wasn't ever allowed to go anywhere. The second we finished dinner, he started asking me when we could leave. I tried with all my might to prolong our stay, but his quiet huffs, puffs, and remarks were becoming too overwhelming. I told my parents that we were going to leave. Then he fucking says: "Already? We can stay longer if you want." I almost bursted into tears in front of everyone. I had to pick my battles. I knew that if I said, "oh okay, lets stay", the car ride home was going to consist of him yelling and me crying. And even though that happened every day anyways, I had to tell my parents that we were just going to go home. He made me look like the bad guy. I could never do anything right in his eyes. I tried so hard to impress him, but failed miserably each time. Another thing he would do, is tell me that I could go out, or go to a friends' house. But then when it came down to the very moment I was about to walk out the door, he'd pick a fight with me. Which ended up with me crying, makeup everywhere, and me staying home. Ladies, this is no way to fucking live. You are so much better than that. And you are so much better than him.

• "How do I know I'm ready?"

I NEED you to do this, because this is what I had to do: Find your safe place. The place that is calm, peaceful, and makes you relaxed. It could be your bedroom, the bathtub, your car during a cruise, on your living room couch. I don't care, just go there. Take a few deep breaths, and relax your mind. Get in touch with yourself, because you and yourself are about to have a talk. I need you to ask yourself this question:

Can you do this for the rest of your life. The bullshit he puts you through. The way he makes you feel. Can you put up with this every single day for as long as you live?

If you answered no, then you're ready. You already know what your next step is. You ARE strong enough to do what needs to be done. If you're strong enough to stay with him for this long, you are strong enough to do what you have to do. And if you ever find yourself not strong enough, scroll to the top, click on "Contact", and send me a message. We'll get through it together.

There is so much more in store for you. You're missing out on the best years of your life with the love of your life. He's out there somewhere, but you're not going to find that person in a shitty relationship. I know its scary. Fuck, i know. It's terrifying. You're going to question what everyone is going to think, especially his family. That's what I did anyways. But once it's all said and done, you'll feel a relief. You didn't 'fail at life' by breaking up with him. You won. You finally fucking WON. Now is your chance to find out who you want to be, and who you can be. You may have ended a relatioship, but you're forming a new one with yourself. LOVE YOURSELF, and then you'll be able to find someone that will love you as well.

YOU. CAN. DO. IT.

I believe in you.

And I love you.