"Girls Are The Worst" This is a statement that is listed under The Guinness Book of World Record’s Most Truest Statement. This is a lie, obvi *eyeroll and sigh*, but it should be in there somewhere. Anywhere. I'll explain why with two categories.
1.) Being a girl is the worst.
2.) Being a girl in a girl’s world is the worst.
Let’s dive in with Category Number 1: Being a girl is the worst.
Being a girl has its own struggles: Boobs, periods, makeup, periods, matching clothes with matching accessories, bras, thongs, pregnancy, childbirth, periods. It sucks. For example, lets talk about morning rituals.
Girls: Wake up, shower, shave e v e r y w h e r e, brush teeth, moisturize face, pluck eyebrows, find outfit, match accessories, touch up chipped fingernail polish, apply makeup, fix hair, put on matching uncomfortable shoes, make sure everything is in your purse, spray perfume, walk out the door.
Guys: Wake up, throw on clothes and shoes, walk out the door.
Guys seriously don’t understand how lucky they have it. No three-hour long morning rituals. No periods. No BRAS. No childbirth. Guys literally coast through life without a care in the world. They don’t get hormonal when their periods come, because they don’t get periods. They don’t have to live with the deadly discomfort of bras and boob sweat, because they don’t have stupid boobs. They don’t even have to match their clothes. They throw on a shirt and shorts, and they’re good to go. They don’t have to go through all the restrictions and body changes during pregnancy. Their vaginas don’t stretch to birth an entire continent. It’s incredibly unfair. Hello? Where is the justice?
But do you know what’s worse than watching men prance around all happy and carefree, while us women are eating an entire chinese buffet two days before our period knocks on our front vaginal door? Being a girl in a girl's world.
Category Number 2: Being a girl in a girl’s world.
There is nothing worse than thinking your friend values you as a person, only to find out she constantly talks shit about you behind your back, but continues to be nice to you to your face. What kind of friends is that? Not too long ago, I actually went on a bridge-burning spree for that specific reason. Best decision I've ever made, and I'm not even close to joking. But let's keep going.
One of my favorite sayings is: "You could be the juiciest, most delicious peach in the entire world, but there’s always going to be someone that hates peaches”. And it’s true. No matter what you do, say, think, wear. Girls around you are going to judge you. Instead of fixing your crooked crown, girls will exploit you, make you feel terrible about yourself, laugh at you with her friends, and then steal your crown. No matter how skinny, fat, pretty, ugly you are, girls are going to find something to tear you down. But why? There is literally no reason for it. Why do they do things like that? How do they benefit? They don't. How does it directly affect them? It doesn’t. A man could walk by a group of dudes, with mismatched dirty clothes, body odor raining over him, and guys don’t bat an eye. “hey man, what’s up?” Imagine that same scenario, but switch the dicks for chicks. A girl walks by a group of other girls, mismatched dirty clothes and stenchy body odor. The girls won’t say anything. Until you walk by far enough for them to start judging everything about you. Because that’s what girls do. They judge you. And it’s an ugly and disgusting trait to possess, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Seriously.
Then you have the drama. Oh, the sweet, wonderful drama.
Guy: “Hey man, I know it’s last minute, but my Mom isn’t feeling well, so I’m going to go stay the evening with her and cheer her up instead of going to the movies.”
Other Guy: “Oh man, yeah that’s totally cool. We’ll catch up some other time.”
That’s not how it works with girls.
Girl: “Hey love, I know it’s last minute, but my Mom isn’t feeling well, so I’m going to go stay the evening with her and cheer her up instead of going to the movies.”
Other Girl: “Figures.” Then hangs up without saying goodbye.
I could sit here and ask you each to take a minute to compliment someone, anyone, but part of me thinks I shouldn't have to; that people should just try to be decent human beings for once. I like the girls that help you fix your crown before the other bitches have time to scratch your eyeballs out with their insults. I like the girls that build each other up with a compliment. I like the girls that understand life happens, and that life is far too short for unnecessary drama. Girls know what it feels like to be torn apart by other girls, and yet, they still do it. This, my friends, is why most of my closest people are men. Because even though they are gross and smell funny, they are far nicer than girls.
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